How are you all doing? Things are still hectic here and I keep trying to settle down to write my blog but then I get caught up in other things namely playing mawstaxis.com and my day job. Acht at least our days are getting longer which means that we should be getting cheerier? Or maybe not!
I came across this quote the other day and it really struck a deep note with me:
'For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way. Something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.' - Fr. Alfred D'Souza.
It hit home that this is exactly what I have done all my life - and I believe that I'm not the only one guilty of doing it. C'mon own up - YOU do it too!!
Thinking back to my teens I believed that if I trained harder for competitive swimming I would be more popular at school or with the others in the swimming club. If I hung around in the right crowd at school then I would be popular. If I studied harder and worked harder at school, if I tidied my room, done what I was asked that my parents would be proud and happy with me but it never happened. I was always left with a feeling that something was lacking, that what I did was never good enough and that nothing would ever be good enough. Looking back, a huge part of it was probably down to me being the eldest of four girls and no parents were ever giving a parenting manual or instructions on how 'to parent'.
So it always felt that I was living my life in a bubble and that if I tried to attain these things then everything would be fine and life would begin. It never worked out that way though. Even in my twenties and thirties I still struggled with the same feelings and thoughts. I believed that if I kept a clean, spotless house and cooked nice meals that I would be loved but it was again always conducted whilst living in that bubble. Even down to my weight - if I lost weight then people would like me and then I would have this fabulous life but it doesn't work like that!
I remember a day quite clearly, that I was going to my sister's wedding and my friend was coming with me. She was coming to meet me at the house before we went to the wedding. My friend arrived to find me on my hands and knees washing down all the doors and the skirting boards in the house and I was nowhere near ready to go to a wedding and neither was my bairn. She couldn't understand it but I had got it into my head that I wouldn't be able to enjoy the wedding as my house was unclean. I did enjoy the wedding but it took me ages to relax as I was still thinking 'oh. I never cleaned that or did that'. How pathetic eh?
I suppose what I'm trying to say is that whilst I was living life thinking that 'it will begin when' - life was actually taking place. This time two years ago - I was involved in a car accident where someone ran into the back of me at a roundabout and it resulted in my car being shoved into the road of oncoming traffic. I actually closed my eyes and literally saw my life flash by. I was terrified as I thought that I had died. IT sounds dramatic I know but I was terrified and this shook me for months. But it did give me a wake up call and since then I have made an effort to live in 'the moment.' So no more excessive cleaning and believing that life will get better. It is what it is and only you are responsible for what happens.
So it got me to thinking about what advice I would give my 16 year old self in order to enjoy and live life to the fullest. So I am going to write her a letter and I will share it with you next time.
If this has got you thinking then it would be great to know what advice you would give your younger self. What would you put in your letter?
Till next time.
Dink's
Xxx
3 comments:
Hi Dinks, how prophetic but so true - there is the old saying "if I knew then what I know now". Think you have said what most folk think but cannot put into words. The only way is up now that you have realised nothing you did in the past was your fault - so proud of you. Mawdoll xxx
Aye its true, when yer younger, you worry if folks will like you! but as you get older you really don't care if they do or not, as long as the ones you love are there with you eh! What would I tell my younger 16 year old self ( LAUGH AT YERSEL)
Absolutely Weeg!! That's sound advice for a young teen for the future x
Post a Comment