Here's my letter:
Dear Margaret
When I look down through the years at you - I see you at school beavering away, trying your hardest and trying to be ultra organised with your whole life. (you will never stop being organised - it's as natural to you as breathing. ) But stop for a wee moment and catch your breath. Give yourself permission to do so.
You were always trying to fit in, to be liked. You don't like yourself very much and hate what you see in the mirror but I want you to know that it doesn't matter what people think. Not everyone will like you so accept that for what it's meant to be. That's how life works. Those who are meant to be in your life will be there and the ones that do not want to be there, will leave.
You don't have to try to be perfect - be yourself and be true to yourself. You need to follow your instincts about what you want to do with your life and not let others sway you and push you down paths that you don't want to tread.
Stop planning and trying to organise your future. Try to live for just now and enjoy it. You've spent so much time doing that that you miss out on things. Life is meant to be a mystery so let it unfold as it's meant too. Be aware of opportunities that land in your path and grab them! Take the chance to travel and explore the world.
From a very young you were always aware of having to walk on eggshells to please people. Now young Margaret, I would tell you that you don't have to do that even at 16 you are still doing it. Realise that you will never make these people happy. Stop blaming yourself for everything you have to know that nothing is YOUR fault - you're just a product of the situation. My advice is carry on being you as you will realise in later life that there is people looking out for you but you were just too young to realise that. Forgive others otherwise you will spend years being bitter and you deserve better.
That brittle exterior you portray has come from years of showing that nothing matters or affects you. We both know that's not true. You had to live, so be kind to yourself. Cherish those adults who extend a hand to you as they realise what you are not able too. They make huge difference to your life just by being who they are. Always remember you are not alone.
In a couple of years two special people will enter your life; you will meet your two bestest and closest friends who will still be there decades later. Realise that they are precious and hold them close. They don't realise how much they help you just by being there but they make an immense difference to your life. They are your true sisters. They build your confidence and try to get you to believe in yourself. Believe them when they tell you things.
You are a good person but it will take you decades to realise that and it will be your own children who facilitate that learning curve for you. You get so much from your children and you encourage them to explore life. Follow this advice for yourself. Accept who you are now and save yourself years of angst. Love yourself for who YOU are and don't ever change.
As for loving relationships, you will settle for people that don't cherish you or treat you how you should be treated. So never settle for less than you deserve. Walk away from people if you are unhappy - don't try to do all the mending - it takes two people to do that. This is a huge lesson in later life. My advice is tell that blonde haired lad at school that you like him and have had a huge crush on him for years!
Most of all enjoy life, embrace all it has to offer you, treat it as a huge adventure, don't be scared, go for it, have fun, laugh at yourself, believe in yourself and DANCE!!
Big hugs and kisses to you
xxxx
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